To Know Thyself

Starting this blog was putting myself out there in a big way, and while part of me was exhilarated, the other half was screaming to pump the brakes. But I made the decision, ignored the introverted and fearful part of my brain and jumped into the pool, arms open, into the deep.

I have no regrets and I’m enjoying this more and more. Using this space as a collection point, a place for gathering and keeping. An opening of my heart in order to share it with the world.  But I have to remind myself that while I love this space and the engagement that exists here, this was not my ultimate goal.

In essence, I do this so that I may know myself.

I truly, really, deeply, do not think well out loud through speaking, or through just thinking alone. I must write it out. For some reason this is the only way I know myself and the depths of my feelings and opinions and thoughts.

If I’m conflicted on something, putting pen to paper helps me sort it out and ask the right questions. If I’m in love with something, the written words flow and express so much more eloquently then anything spoken.

In these writings, in these words on the page or screen, these moments are sacred spaces for which I have entered into my own Self – if such a thing exists. Into the cavern that waits inside so patiently. So willingly. Stilled waters bursting with life.

I’m glad I found it. I’m glad I recognize it. I’m glad I can know myself even better than I could have imagined. Greatness is in this space, and I am only just glimpsing it.

I encourage you to follow your heart, follow it faithfully into the dark so that you may find that light – your guiding star – within.

Fear: Shutter of The Heart

Is Fear the most dangerous thing of all? Does it really serve a good purpose, or is it hiding the true reality? The thing I find myself fearing is fear itself, and what it’s doing to us as a culture, as human beings.

What do we do when we live in fear? We shut down. When we act from fear, we literally process information in ‘life or death’ terms and activate our ‘fight or flight’ response in the body. This mechanism exists to keep us safe and keep us alive. But in doing so, our immune system shuts down. Our brains turn off. Creativity drains away. Infinite possibilities evaporate. Open arms and hearts close up, barring entrance from anything or anyone suspicious. We process only that information which benefits the situation and the final ‘fight or flight’ decision. Only that and nothing else. Why would your brain waste precious energy in a life and death situation trying to be creative and open-minded? Doing so might cost our life!

Yet even with all the life-saving functions, we were not meant to live in fear ALL of our lives – only for small instances where we needed to outrun someone with a club, think fast on the road, survive an encounter with a bear, or save a loved one from scary situation. But the fear response, and what it creates and does to us, cannot possibly benefit us if we are living it every moment of every day. A dark cloud looming overhead. This emotional force was designed to save our lives in short bursts, not to be endured for an extended period.

What a toll this fear is taking on our health and our hearts. Constant fear certainly will not nurture our souls so we may grow and evolve as humans.

It seems to me that fear cannot inherently exist where there is love. Real, infinite love. If you are operating out of love, you have no fear, only confidence of the moment and the person or situation in front of you. Fear accomplishes nothing; Love accomplishes everything.

Without fear, I really do think we can see things as they really are – and not through the lens of darkness that fear creates. What illusions might we be seeing that we are interpreting as real? That are only shadows from a deep fear in our mind?

Who plants the seeds of those shadows? How can we remove them, shine the light to reveal their true nature and source? Will an open heart reveal them, lift them from our shoulders?

Fear puts words into our mouths that are not our own. Fear ignites motivations that stem from false truths. Fear paralyzes us, but tricks us into thinking we are doing great things and protecting the common good. Fear does not encourage us to think outside ourselves and our own interest. Fear shutters our hearts and minds from infinite love.

Lost Connectedness

What is the true meaning – the true purpose – of religion? To find God? To save yourself? To redeem yourself? To have a pathway to morality?

No, I don’t think any of those statements fully captures the main purpose – the real, subconscious drive that lights us up inside and compels us to seek and devote ourselves to any cause or religion. I think it might be more accurate that the main driver is connection.

Connection to God. Connection to others. Connection to this world. Connection to a higher purpose. Isn’t connection just love, as another word?

Again and again I am pulled to the belief that we as humans are inter-connected – a social consciousness. A symbiotic ‘net’ that for some reason does not know of it’s inherent symbiotic ‘net-ness.’ That we are operating in autonomy is an illusion, a conscious construction, because we are really ONE, subconsciously, in the heart.

It seems possible to me that each religion that we have ever seen is only trying to regain that connection. But I think the tragedy here is that because the religion is consciously created, and borne out of the conscious thought preconceptions (that we have lived and been programmed with for millennia) that presuppose that we are separate in the first place, they may be doomed to fall short of that which they ultimately strive for: TRUE connectedness.

True connectedness does not put up walls. True connectedness tears them down. Connectedness does not need religion. Connectedness is connectedness. It doesn’t need rules to engage. It just is.

In my heart I feel that the pervasive illusion of our time is this thought that we are separate. Separate in race, separate in religion, separate in nationality, separate in education, creed, in even morality.  Separateness seems to me a pervasive weed in our collective subconscious – our heart – that is always whispering in our ears that we are different, that they are not us. That seems to me an evil in itself, to use such a strong word. Who put this idea in our hearts?  Who pushes this agenda among us? How did the seed of this thought get incepted in the first place?

Perhaps we were once conscious of our connectedness, in a past time too far back for collective memory to fathom. But somehow, in some way, we’ve let this external world creep up and convince us that there are walls and they were always meant to be there. For our safety. For our benefit.

How can we take down these walls? How can we see the world and ourselves the way we ought to? Maybe we should ask ourselves what we are so afraid of, and then dive deeper into the pool. In order to keep swimming in the face of our insurmountable panic.

The ‘Force’ Within

In my past post I related the idea of Unity – that all exists as one, and there is no separation. Unity = God, or God-consciousness. This Unity is the mass existence of all and that which encompasses all. The Source. As such, it seems to me that within it exists energy. Kinetic potential.

Could it be possible that emotions are divine forces of energy wielded from the kinetic potential of the Unity? Is “love” just a chosen force, a chosen weapon, from the kinetic Unity? The most powerful weapon?

Fear and worry would also be kinetic components of the Unity, but ultimately self-destructive. Powerful, but difficult to bear. Source-draining. In my experience, my energy is buzzed and alive when I am expressing love. As if my battery is forever charged and continually revived in perpetuity.

I like the idea of emotions serving as the potential energy components of the cosmic God-consciousness. Emotions in our everyday lives drive and create and keep things moving. Without them, do we not evolve?

I imagine that spirits vibrate the thought forms of feelings, but they are not realized or expressed as they are in our world…here they are a force. Powerful and moving. Motivating us and allowing us serve as both creator and destructor.

Would we create or destroy in our lives if not for emotion?

Emotions are the driving, divine Force within us all. (Cue obligatory Star Wars reference!)

No worry, no fear

The Mother post I wrote a few weeks ago has struck a chord in me about creation and catalysts. It occurred to me that in those moments that I previously described that seemed so full of clarity, there was more going on than just standard decision-making… these decisions were devoid of fear. In those moments, there was absolutely no fear, no worry – only certainty. There was only faith and wisdom and knowing.

I just read a very great passage in a book talking about the difference of fear, worry, love and kindness. It said that in worry and fear, we accomplish nothing. In love and in kindness, ALL things are accomplished.

So what things in my life are still holding me back, what fears are holding me hostage? What things do I need to let go in order to live freer, more untethered, more infinite than I have been before?

I am certain that this is what caused these important moments to impress upon my soul and lead me forward. Because when I think back on them and recall them from my memory I can only remember the intuition and firm ‘knowingness’ of the moment; Of joy, and love, and that feeling of infinite possibilities. Infinite love. Oh, what a feeling.

This is the feeling I want most in my life, and in order to have it I need to let go. No fear, no worry. Strength in my wisdom, confidence in my person, and love in the creator, who allows this to be.

The more tangible things I fear that give me anxiety – not having money, living in debt, financial crisis – seem like small mountains compared to other things I could be worried about. But you know what? All of these things are surmountable. They are mortal problems to be solved. Why are they holding me back so much??

Such are the things that sit around in my mind, hanging on until I get them out into words and living, breathing concepts. I hope they plant a seed and grow oh-so-much bigger.